When a Man Loves a Woman

I was having a drink with a friend of mine in Klang recently when a stranger – who actually heard me speaking in Dusun with my mom on the phone – stopped to shake hands with us. I casually asked him to join us but he just waved off. But then he returned later with two bottles of beer in his hand. He joined us – two total strangers – but he seemed nice so we were more than happy to have him around.

He told us that he was from Tongod – a little district right in the middle of Sabah – and he was working at a factory nearby as a welder. After swapping some kind of introductory stories, he told us that he had just broken up with his girlfriend like a few moments ago – and the tone of his voice began to change from there.

He told us that this girlfriend of his was from Sulawesi and that they actually got married – after a very difficult process of convincing his family to accept this ‘girl from Indonesia’. The girl was a Muslim and he was a Christian and whether it was out of love or just a way of survival, he actually managed to persuade this girl to convert to a Christian (stay away from me JAKIM. I won’t give any further info. Blueks!).

It was a very long way towards a marriage – with so many obstacles that he had to get through and sacrifices that he had to make – and they finally got married and he thought it would all be rainbow colors from there. They were married for two years and he told me how this girl complained about how small the room that they were living in.

“Because of my love for her, I realized her wish for a bigger room and had to spend most of my salary on the rent” he said, shaking his head a little as he said it. “All I asked of her is a prepared meal every time I come back from work. I wouldn’t ask for more” he continued.

Everything seemed to be going so beautifully for him and he was the happiest man especially since his family could finally accept the girl as part of the family.

Then somewhere along the way, she was beginning to change. He told me how she would no longer treat him as good as she used to. She was beginning to keep a distance from him and all the lovey dovey was beginning to disappear although they were still hanging on to it until this very fateful day when he decided they could no longer be together. Ever.

“Just now, when we were in the car, we almost hit another car (I assumed the girl was driving) and I spontaneously grabbed her by the hand and for the first time since we were together – she..” he choked and broke into tears. I didn’t even know how to react other than waiting for him to regain his composure.

Then he continued, “She pushed my hands away. She never pushed my hands away ever before”, that was when he broke down and sobbed, his shoulders moving. “I’m sorry, I just can’t help it” he’d say, whenever he broke into tears. He’d tell more of the sacrifices he made for his girlfriend – in between sobs of course. My friend handed the tissue paper over to him – to which he swiftly pulled out one piece after another and before we knew they were all over the table.

“May be it’s all my fault. There were times when I failed to do what she wanted me to do, or things that she wanted but I couldn’t give” he said, clearly in deep regrets. “There were times when she’d ask me to reload her pre-paid but I couldn’t because I was too busy doing things at work. Then by the time I returned home, I’d be too tired to even remember anything. You know how tiring it is to do all the welding” he said.

I mean, me being me, I would have laughed, or smirked – but somehow I didn’t. I could really see the pain that he was going through. I didn’t even dare to look at my friend, but I knew he was having his own share of the emotions as well.

It was unbelievable, really, how only a few moments ago we were chatting and drinking and laughing at the top of our lungs because coming from the same school, we never ran out of things to talk and laugh about. Then now – here comes this total stranger who brought his sad story to the table – and the mood changed drastically. Even the beer suddenly tasted so bland to my tongue it was a struggle to even take a single sip.

He later admitted that the girl had found a new boyfriend – who is richer than him, “who could give her more that I could” he said with bitterness. Then he sobbed again.

I was almost speechless – somehow – and all I could say to him was “She just wasn’t meant for you, and you’ll find a better girl, who loves you for who you are, not for what you’ve got”. I must have gotten it from some movie I don’t remember which one. Heh.

“You are still young, you’ve still got a lot of things ahead of you”, my friend chipped in and he was right. This guy was only 24 years old.

I returned home with a lot of things going on in my mind. I couldn’t help but thinking of one song.

When a man loves a woman
Can’t keep his mind on nothing else
He’ll trade the world
For the good thing he’s found
If she’s bad he can’t see it
She can do no wrong
Turn his back on his best friend
If he put her down

When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Trying to hold on to what he needs
He’d give up all his comfort
Sleep out in the rain
If she said that’s the way it ought to be

Well, this man loves a woman
I gave you everything I had
Trying to hold on to your precious love
Baby, please don’t treat me bad

When a man loves a woman
Down deep in his soul
She can bring him such misery
If she plays him for a fool
He’s the last one to know
Loving eyes can’t ever see

When a man loves a woman
He can do no wrong
He can never own some other girl
Yes when a man loves a woman
I know exactly how he feels
‘Cause baby, baby, baby, you’re my world

True love really exists then. I really thought they only existed in movies, books, songs or – well – imaginations? 😛